The Beiderbecke Affair1985

Jill Swinburne:
Oh, hang spring-cleaning!

Jill Swinburne:
I've never done any spring-cleaning. Being a male chauvinist, I've always had women to do those sort of things for me.

Trevor Chaplin:
I don't mean that.

Trevor Chaplin:
It's all part of my craggy northern working-class background.

Jill Swinburne:
I'm talking about The Wind in the Willows.

Trevor Chaplin:
Don't tell me - it's a book.

Jill Swinburne:
Ratty and Mole are supposed to be spring-cleaning, but instead they say "Hang spring-cleaning" and they go off and mess about with boats in the river.

Trevor Chaplin:
Is that what you fancy?

Jill Swinburne:
Sort of, yes.

Trevor Chaplin:
Well we could take to the hills. We'll go tomorrow.

Jill Swinburne:
We're at school tomorrow.

Trevor Chaplin:
No! We'll have sickness and diarrhoea. We'll telephone Mr Carter with some excuse to pass onto the Head that's so bizarre he's bound to believe it.

Jill Swinburne:
A plague of locusts down the street.

Trevor Chaplin:
A summons to The Palace.

Jill Swinburne:
The house has been struck by a thunderbolt - which happens to be true.

Trevor Chaplin:
We'll think of someting and say "Hang spring-cleaning".

[Jill walks over to Trevor and looks tenderly into his eyes]

Jill Swinburne:
Thank you.

Trevor Chaplin:
Thank *you*.

Jill Swinburne:
For what?

Trevor Chaplin:
True love means never having to explain what you're saying "thank you" for. [Trevor looks away, embarrassed] Have you ever noticed how spiders get trapped in your double-glazing?

Jill Swinburne:
Have you ever noticed your amazing capacity to spoil everything?

Trevor Chaplin:
Yes. It's famous over six counties.

Jill Swinburne:
Cue romantic music.