The Goodies1970

Tim:
[Boat's horn sounds and he jumps] What was that?

Graeme:
The QE2.

Tim:
[Panicked] The QE2?

Graeme:
Don't worry, it's missed us... by a couple of feet.

Tim:
[subsides weakly into a chair] A couple of FEET? Oh, I'm not well, I'm not well...

[Sees self in mirror]

Tim:
I'm WORSE! My mumps have gone worse! I look like a flippin' hamster now!

[Tries to calm down]

Tim:
It's my nerves. It's a nervous complaint, this, you know.

[Loses it again]

Tim:
I SHOULDN'T BE UPSET LIKE THIS! I need to calm down, I need peace and quiet. That's what's doing this! I need peace and quiet!

Graeme:
[Mocking] You need "peace and quiet"...

[Uses megaphone to shout down Tim's ear]

Graeme:
BELT UP!