The Kids in the Hall1988

Dave:
Hi, I'm just writing a letter to someone in the hospital. You know it's always kinda hard to find the right words to say. You know, somehow "How's the weather in the hospital? Sure is nice outside" just doesn't work. But you gotta try, you know, you gotta show your concern. So here's what I got so far: "Dear Guy, I clotheslined as you went by on your bicycle. You don't know me, but I'm the guy who broke your collarbone. Now, I've asked myself over and over, why did I clothesline that guy? Perhaps I watched too much slapstick as a kid and expected you to get up after being violently assaulted. Imagine my confusion when you did not. Although not so confused that I'd actually hang around. In all fairness, it was pretty funny. I mean, the last thing you'd expect as you were riding merrily by on your bike is that someone you didn't know at all would stick out his arm and crush your throat. I mean, you really should've seen it, it was just like, wham! Bam!

[chuckles]

Dave:
Anyway... in closing, as you lay there convalescing in your hospital bed, I'm forced to wonder, what were you doing riding your bike on the sidewalk anyway? Huh, ya a**hole? SideWALK? Maybe sometimes we bring heartache upon ourselves. Signed, the guy that collapsed your trachea."