The Nostalgia Critic2007

[the Critic appears as having a younger sister, both appearing in a parody of a "Milk, It Does a Body Good" commercial; every time she takes a sip of milk, she grows somewhat older]

Little Sister:
[growing older as she drinks her milk:] You may think I'm a shrimp now, big brother, but I'm drinking milk! Which means I'll grow long hair, beautiful skin, and become totally self-absorbed, meaning I won't even think for myself, and instead marry a wealthy millionaire who only wants me for my body. [after taking another sip, she now holds a comb] And then I'll feel this emptiness inside that only the miracle of cocaine can cure. [holds the comb to her nose and takes a snort; becomes derelict] If that's not enough, I'll turn to heroin for an even greater high! [now looks and speaks all deranged] And then I won't know what's real anymore and I'll wonder where my life went wrong! [tosses a rope around her neck] And then I'll be so jacked up on highballs that I'll try to kill myself in my main closet! [suddenly sobers up] But then I'll discover rehab and realize it was all part of God's plan. [suddenly becomes derelict and deranged again] But then, I'll relapse and fall right down the slippery slope again! [grabs the Critic's shoulders and shakes him] OH JESUS, BROTHER, HELP ME! [suddenly becomes a bum, wearing a coat and holding a glass of milk] And then I'll die cold and alone with my only friend, the glass of milk that started it all. [the Critic looks around nervously and runs off]

Commercial Announcer:
Milk. What the f***? [Chester A. Bum walks up]

Chester A. Bum:
Hey! [he kicks her] This is my spot! [she hisses at him; he runs off scared]