The Onion News Network2011

Brooke Alvarez:
Well, as long as our entire system of government is now null and void, I may as well take this opportunity to suggest myself as a possible future leader to rally around. Allow me to state my case: with my vast breadth of knowledge and undeniable charisma, I believe I'd make a skilled and effective commander on the Post-American state. Say goodbye to the cowardice and indecision of the past, with Brooke Alvarez in charge, hunger, fear, and weakness would be but a distant memory.