The State1993

Various:
Hi. We're The State. Take a look at this [clicks remote to turn on a TV monitor showing Soul Asylum on Unplugged] . MTV's Unplugged. Great show, shot right here in New York City in front of a live studio audience. A live studio audience that does not incidentally include The State. No, we can't get in to see Unplugged. Why not? Well I asked one of the vice presidents here and obviously I'm not allowed to say what his name is so I just call him... Dirtbag. I said, 'Hey Dirtbag, how come we can't get in to see Unplugged?' And he gives me this whole rigamaroll about how we can't get 11 tickets for you guys and we only run the network and we probably can't even count that high. Now look at this [he pauses the TV on a shot of the audience] . There are 500 people in this audience, ok. You wanna know who gets to go see Unplugged? I'll tell you. You see her? [points to a woman on the TV] She works in Ad Sales. Now I don't know what her job is but apparently it involves talking to her boyfriend all day on the phone. You see this guy? [points to a guy on the TV and shouts] This is the genius who decided to put our show on Saturdays at 7:30! Way to go, Boy Wonder! And the last time we tried to sneak into Unplugged, [points to another woman on TV] this is the b*tch who kicked us out! Now obviously I'm not allowed to say what her name is but it's Blair. [points to another guy on TV and shouts] And there's Dirtbag! You can't get us 11 tickets? I want to show you something [clicks remote and TV now shows The Real World Season 2 clips] The Real World goes to Mexico! It's not like these are nice people, ok, these are 7 of the most annoying people in the world. They're spending a week in paradise and I can't even get in to see Duran Duran? Where's the justice? And you want to know what happened in Mexico because I'll give you the highlights right now, ok. Dominic got drunk and passed out on the beach and Annoying Beth - not Lesbian Beth - crashed her moped into a curb. You don't see The State crashing mopeds into curbs! You don't see The State getting drunk and passing ou- I mean, we get drunk and pass out but we do it right here in America!

All:
[cheering and clapping] Yeah!