5th Annual End of the World Tour2007

[at his father's funeral]

Christopher Titus:
And everyone got up and told an honest story about my dad. Not some bullshit "this was the greatest man ever". Here's one of the actual stories from my dad's funeral. He used to go houseboating with a bunch of firemen every year up in Northern California. And they'd get drunk all day and sleep on top of the houseboat at night. Well, at night, instead of using the head in the boat, they'd pee off the top of the boat. Well one night, my dad gets up eight times, hammered, pees off of the top of the boat. They all get up the next morning to look where my dad's been peeing. All night, my father had been peeing off the top of the houseboat...

[pause]

Christopher Titus:
into the driver's seat of his own boat.

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
[mockingly holding back tears] That's a great story, isn't, lady? It's great. It's like he's here right now, isn't it?

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
And there was ten of those stories. So here's the funeral: hysterical laughter, weeping. Hysterical laughter, weeping.

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
And it was beautiful. And offensive. And perfect. And wrong. And then it was over, and everybody went home, and it was just me and my dad.

[pause]

Christopher Titus:
[sigh] So I peed on him.

[laughter]