Bill Engvall: Here's Your Sign Live2004

[about the snake handlers on "Animal Planet"]

Bill Engvall:
These are the biggest morons on the planet. 'Cause they're always holding some hugely venomous snake and they go "Oh, look. It's a beautiful black mamba." And you see the snake go

[hisses, and grabs his face]

Bill Engvall:
and latch on their face. Like "ooh, the little fellow's hungry!"

[laughs]

Bill Engvall:
"I need some antivenom." No, you need a bullet in the head!

[laughter]

Bill Engvall:
You should not be breeding.

[laughter]

Bill Engvall:
See, that right there? That's why I don't have my own animal show. 'Cause I'd be like "hey look, everybody. It's a beautiful black mamba."

[hisses and grabs his face again]

Bill Engvall:
"Why, you son of a..."

[pantomimes throwing the snake onto the ground and stomping on it; laughter]

Bill Engvall:
"He's sleeping now."