Blubberella2011

[first lines]

Blubberella:
[voice-over] Hi, everybody! I'm Blubberella and I'm a superhero. Yes, I am. Stop laughing. I hope you're not seated too close to the screen because then you'll be in my splash zone! Here are some facts about me. I'm 800 years old. In my last high school I was voted mostly likely to marry a black man.

[she enters a large walk-in freezer]

Blubberella:
Oooo! This is my most favorite part of my house. I'm running a little low on processed meats. Okay, listen... don't judge me. You try living and being mocked for being half-human and half-vampire and not fitting in... cars, airplane seats, etc. Once I was stuck in Ferris wheel for eight hours. My good friend Sigmund Freud said that the experience didn't scar me too much. He said that I replaced sex with food. But then he raped me so that pretty much shot that feeling.