Bob & Tom Radio: The Comedy Tour2006

[about his girlfriend wanting to have kids]

Drew Hastings:
I finally had my mind made up for me this year. I was in Atlanta a while back. I'm sitting outside a coffee house, and this... CUTE little four or five year old girl walks by with her mom. And this little girl says to her mother, "Mommy, you know what my three favorite colors are?" The mother looks down at her and says, "No, darling. What are they?" And they just kept walking up the sidewalk. And I thought to myself, "you see, that's my problem. I don't give a f*** what your three favorite colors are."

[laughter]

Drew Hastings:
And I felt horrible! I felt horrible! What's wrong with me? Why aren't I like everybody else? Where's my universal love for children? What if I have kids? I still feel like that about them. And then I talk to married people all the time, and they're like, "No you won't, Drew. You know what? It's different when you have your own."

[murmurs of disagreement]

Drew Hastings:
Yeah! Yeah, what if it's not? "Well, that's very pretty. What did you draw there? You know what, pin it up on the God damn refrigerator yourself."

[laughter]

Drew Hastings:
"Don't touch me! You have something sticky on your hand! Never touch me."