Crime and Punishment1935

Madam:
Well, if there was a disturbance, why didn't you go after the person who caused it? One of your own officers! Oh, we won't mention any names. But, in comes your fine Captain, drunk as a pig. And orders three bottles of champagne. Then, he lifts up one leg, like this, and brings it down on my piano and starts to play it with his boot. And when I ask him, most politely, please, PLEASE, not to BREAK my piano, he slaps me in the face. Then he slaps Miranda, he slaps Louise, he slaps Matilda, he slaps all of my entertainers. And then he chases me, all over the house.

Cop:
Chase yourself over there and cool off.