Destroy All Humans! 22006

Crypto:
[Milenkov is boasting about his "fiendish master plan"] Geez, you guys just gotta have your monologues, don't you? Okay, I give. What's your damn master plan? Lemme guess, you and the Blisk are gonna spread those spores and enslave humanity? Commies and crabbies, a match made in heaven.

Milenkov:
[laughs] Small minds, no imagination. It's nothing so mundane. We don't give a damn about humanity, Cryptosporidium. What we want from Earth is the same thing you want: survival.

Crypto:
So the crabbies want a new crib. What's wrong with Mars?

Milenkov:
Mars is a desert! An acid wasteland! You Furons saw to that! But Earth... Earth is three-fifths water. All it lacks is massive radioactivity, to become a new Eden, an irradiated ocean paradise for Blisk!

Crypto:
But what about the Russians? Your people can't live in that.

Milenkov:
My people?

[laughs]

Milenkov:
Oh, you really aren't very bright, are you? Why do you think we've waged Cold War? Encouraged the buildup of nuclear arms? Good God, what sane human would pursue such obvious suicide? 1908: Blisk warship crashes; 1917: October Revolution. Do the math. You, of all creatures, should know aliens walk among us, da?

Crypto:
You're not suggesting...

Milenkov:
Suggesting? I'm telling you: Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev...

Crypto:
Trotsky?

Milenkov:
Please, don't be ridiculous. It helped that Russian is so close to the Bliskish. No coincidence, of course. The Furons aren't the only race who ever used Earth for "shore leave". Face it, Cryptosporidium, you Furons have been out-schemed. The history of the Soviet Union *is* the history of Blisk on Earth! The loss of our spores is a blow, but in the end, it makes no difference! Soon, Earth will be ours! No more humans! No more Furon DNA! And there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it! Lestrovya, Cryptosporidium.