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Nick Brady: [trying to talk his way out of football camp] So not only yesterday do I find out I'm adopted. The people I've been calling "Mom" and "Dad" are actually two infertile impostors who bought me outside of a meth clinic in Cincinatti for two boxes of Sudafed, but I also get this news dropped on me - my birth father, Bruce... well he needs a kidney and I'm the only match and apparently Bruce needs it "stat". Mmm-hmm. You need it stat, Bruce? Huh? Well maybe I needed a father stat instead of my stay-at-home dad who showers me with love everyday of his life, this goddamn spermless liar! [pause] So now I have to be at Kaiser Permanente at 6 a.m. tomorrow. I know, Bruce couldn't even afford a real hospital... managed care. Ironic, isn't it? He never *managed* to care for me.

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