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Title Card: [mock movie trailer] In a land beyond space and time...Trailer Voice Guy: A new world enslaved. This is a land in need of a hero. [Trejo removes his space helmet] They call him... MACHETE. [echoing] Machete Machete.Trailer Voice Guy: He knows the score.Space Babe: We need a leader. We need a revolution. We need you, Machete.Trailer Voice Guy: He gets the space babes. [deep kiss]Luz: The people needs us, Machete. This is a new network. It's all... galactic and shit.Machete: He thinks he's God in heaven. So heaven must fall.Trailer Voice Guy: And he kills the bad guys. Starring Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez...Luz: Eat photons, bitches!Trailer Voice Guy: ...Alexa Vega. With Justin Beaver, as Bleep. And Lady Gaga, as [provoctive music] whoever she wants to be. With special guest star Leonardo DiCaprio, as the Man in the Silver Mask. [in a lower voice] Actor subject to change. [louder] Machete Kills Again... in Space. [lower voice again] Rated X for cigarette use, prolonged sexual content, pervasive language, and space violence.

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    Who said: "Why don't you come up and see me sometime?"
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