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[first lines]Jax: Life must be allowed to surprise you. If you deny it that opportunity, it will impose upon you a burden of numbness. Randomness held no sway over me no more, but I wanted desperately to feel its sweet thing again, to feel all the hormone responses of some unexpected something. I wanted it too much. I would have to be content with expecting the unexpected; at least then if it didn't happen, it would still have the potential take me by surprise. But truly random it could never be. My pursuit of randomness had become obsessive. Convinced was I that I had had the randomness randomed out of me by fate. But I'd come to a new place now; a nowhere place where nowhere happened in a very predictable nowhere kind of way. But everything was still painted with a dull shade of familiar, but I had a plan to change that. I was determined to become the subject of some kind of unexpected something again. At any cost! You see, I had lost feeling. First it was just the tips of my fingers, and now my hands. This was the numbness, I told myself, the burden I bare for the sin of no longer giving a shit! You can understand my desperation, I was slowly becoming the living dead and the only cure was to find myself in the wrong place at the wrong time again. Having a reason for your existence is not all they make it out to be, but still it was a nice change. It is true that the kind of misfortune I was seeking could not be easily engineered and one must rely on luck to a certain extent. Well, now luck had found me, but was it random?

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