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Tommy Johnson: What else are you gonna do on a Saturday? Sit in your f***in' armchair wankin' off to Pop Idols? Then try and avoid your wife's gaze as you struggle to come to terms with your sexless marriage? Then go and spunk your wages on kebabs, fruit machines and brasses? F*** that for a laugh! I know what I'd rather do. Tottenham away, love it!

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    Who said "All warfare is based on deception."?
    A Otto von Bismarck
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