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Valerie: [Frantically to Candy] A UFO landed in my pool and they captured me but we made friends and I fed them Pop-Tarts and, um, they're here now, but Ted's coming home tonight so you've got to cut their hair. Owner of Beauty Shop: What did you say? Valerie: Oh, nothing. I'm on drugs. [Turns back to Candy] Candy, you've got to help them out. Candy: Would you listen to yourself? Valerie, no man is worth getting yourself in this state over. Mel Gibson, maybe, but not Ted! Valerie, come here, just sit down, honey, relax, have a mental margarita, and everything is... [Gets interrupted by Valerie] Valerie: Okay, I'm going to show you something that's going to totally change your life, completely, forever. Okay? Candy: Well, in that case, let me get a cigarette.

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