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Hartman: What's your excuse? Cowboy: Sir, excuse for what, sir? Hartman: I'm asking the fuckin' questions here, Private! Do you understand? Cowboy: Sir, yes, sir! Hartman: Well, thank you very much! Can I be in charge for a while? Cowboy: Sir, yes, sir! Hartman: Are you shook up? Are you nervous? Cowboy: Sir, I am, sir! Hartman: Do I make you nervous? Cowboy: Sir! Hartman: "Sir" what? Are you about to call me an asshole? Cowboy: Sir, no, sir! Hartman: How tall are you, Private? Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir! Hartman: Five-foot-nine? I didn’t know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?! Cowboy: Sir, no, sir! Hartman: Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you’ve been cheated! Where in the hell are you from anyway, Private? Cowboy: Sir, Texas, sir! Hartman: Holy dogshit! Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don’t much look like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks? Cowboy: Sir, no, sir! Hartman: Are you a peter-puffer?! Cowboy: Sir, no, sir! Hartman: I’ll bet you're the kinda guy that would fuck a person in the ass, and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you.

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