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Boris Grushenko: A. Socrates is a man. B. All men are mortal. C. All men are Socrates. That means all men are homosexuals. Oh, well, I'm not a homosexual. I - I - Once, some - some Cossacks whistled at me. I - I - I happen to have the kind of body that excites both uh persuasions, but uh you know some men are - are heterosexual, and - and - s-some bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all, you know, they're - They become lawyers. My problem is that I - I see both sides of every issue. I'm - I'm too logical. You know, I - I - I, the world is not logical. If it was logical, h-how would Old Nehamkin be younger than Young Nehamkin? I-I knew there was something crazy about that when I was a kid, but - but every time I said something, they'd smack me, so you know, heh heh. I-I'm - I'm just wracked with guilt, and I'm - I'm consumed with remorse and stricken with suffering for the human race. Not only that, but - but I'm developing a uh herpe o-on m-my lip here that is really killing me. [sighs] What to do?

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