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Aunt May: Peter knew how dangerous the job was. But he figured the only one who could stop this guy was Spider-Man. Miles Morales: Kingpin knows we're coming. We're going to be outnumbered. Aunt May: Don't be so sure. You might need these. You think you're the only people who thought to come here? Peter Parker / Spider-Man Noir: Hey, fellas. Miles Morales: Is he in black and white? Peter B. Parker / Spider-Man: Where's that wind coming from? We're in a basement. Spider-Man Noir: Wherever I go, the wind follows. And the wind, it smells like rain. Peni Parker / Sp//dr: Hi, guys! Konichiwa! Hajimemashite yoroshiku! Peter B. Parker: This could literally not get any weirder. Peter Porker / Spider-Ham: It can get weirder. I just washed my hands. That's why they're wet. No other reason. All six Spiders: You're like me. Spider-Man Noir: My name is Peter Parker. Peni Parker: My name is Peni Parker. Spider-Ham: My name is Peter Porker. Spider-Man Noir and Peni Parker: I was bitten by a radioactive spider. Spider-Ham: I was bitten by a radioactive pig. Spider-Man Noir: In my universe, it's 1933, and I'm a private eye. I like to drink egg creams, and I like to fight Nazis. A lot. Peni Parker: I'm from New York in the year 3145. I have a psychic link with a spider who lives inside my father's robot. And we're best friends. Forever. Spider-Man Noir: Sometimes I let matches burn down to my fingertips just to feel something, anything. Spider-Ham: I'm a photographer for the Daily Beagle. When I'm not pooching around, I'm working like a dog, trying to sniff out the latest story. I frolic and I dance And I do this With my pants Peter B. Parker: Okay! Enough! So how did you get here? Spider-Man Noir: Well, it's kind of a long story. Maybe not that long. Peni Parker: And now we're just trying to find a way home. Spider-Man Noir: The only way home is back through that collider gizmo. The only trouble is'… Spider-Ham: One of us has to stay behind and destroy it. Gwen Stacy, Peni Parker, Spider-Man Noir, and Spider-Ham: I'll do it. Miles Morales: No, no, no. You guys don't get it. Peni Parker: Don't get what? (Everyone starts glitching and grunting.) Miles Morales: None of you can stay here. If you stay here, you'll die. I'm the guy who's gonna turn it off. And I'm gonna get you all home before I do. Look, I made a promise. So I have to keep it. Spider-Man Noir: Who are you again? Peter B. Parker: This is Miles. And he's gonna save the multiverse. Miles Morales: Yeah, man. Peter B. Parker: This kid can turn himself invisible. Watch this. He can do it now. Miles Morales: I can't do it on command. Peter B. Parker: He can't do it on command. But it is cool. Show 'em the zappy thing, Miles. Miles Morales: Can't do it on command. Peter B. Parker: He can't do it on command. But he can do so much more. What else do you do? Miles Morales: Just those two things. Peter B. Parker: Just those two things. Spider-Man Noir: Aw, man. Gwen Stacy / Spider-Woman: Look, I've seen him in action. He's got potential. I think he's gonna get us home. Spider-Man Noir: Okay, little fella, Kingpin's gonna send a lot of mugs after ya. I'm talkin' hard boys, real biscuit boxers. Can you fight them all off at once? Miles Morales: I haven't actually fought anyone. Spider-Man Noir: Surprise attack! Peni Parker: Can you rewire a mainframe while being shot at? Miles Morales: Can I what? Peni Parker: Show me! Spider-Man Noir: Surprise attack! Gwen Stacy: Can you swing and flip with the grace of a trained dancer? Spider-Man Noir: Can you close off your feelings so you don't get crippled by the moral ambiguity of your violent actions? Aunt May: Can you help your aunt create an online dating profile so she can get out of the dang house once in a while? Spider-Ham: Can you float through the air when you smell a delicious pie? Miles Morales: (softly) What? Gwen Stacy: Can you be strong? Peni Parker: Ruthless? Gwen Stacy: Disciplined? Miles Morales: I don't know. Maybe. Peni Parker: Psychic? Spider-Man Noir: Show me some moxie, soldier! Gwen Stacy: Above all, no matter how many times you get hit, can you get back up? Spider-Man Noir: 'Cause when a Spider-Man is on the floor– Spider-Ham: When you think you can't keep goin'– Gwen Stacy: Come on, Miles. Peni Parker: Come on. You can do it. Gwen Stacy: You can do this. Peter B. Parker: Hey. Guys, cool it. Peni Parker: Come on. You can do it. Spider-Man Noir: Get up, Miles. Gwen Stacy: Come on, Miles. Get up. (Miles stays down.) Gwen Stacy: (As they're talking softly to Peter B. about Miles.) You need to be more honest with yourself about this. He's not ready. It's obvious. Spider-Man Noir: There's no way. He's just a kid. Gwen Stacy: If he can't do this, we have to stay and do it for him. Spider-Man Noir: He's looking right at us while we talk about him. Peter B. Parker: Miles? Miles? You see that? He can, um... He can turn invisible.

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