Jon the Torture Consultant: [on phone with his daughter] Hey honey, uh, it's Dad, I'm in town for business, and I thought it would be great if we get some dinner! Uh, I know Mom enjoys poisoning you against me, but, uh, surely you're not sending all my calls to voicemail until I stop calling, right?Gary Bunda: What's the patriarchy?Jon the Torture Consultant: GET OFF ME!Gary Bunda: I'm sorry.Jon the Torture Consultant: [on phone] Not you, honey. Um, please pick up the goddamn phone and call me back, okay? Please, I know you see the calls. Please, I love you. Okay, bye.Gary Bunda: She wanted me to end all microaggressions. And that threw me because in Hell, we only have macro-aggressions. You know, like that giant snake that screams inside your own mind. Just going like "Aaahhhh! You are nothing, Gary! You are nothing!"Jon the Torture Consultant: That's not a flip. And also, she left.Gary Bunda: Sh*t.
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