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Jake Morgendorffer: [telling campfire stories at night] Then, lying there in the darkness, the boy heard a tiny splashing sound. Psh! Psh! Like waves on a faraway shore. Except... the nearest ocean was a hundred miles away. The boy reached out for his sleeping father... but he was gone. Shaking with fear, the boy stumbled out of the rickety lean-to, and that's when he saw it: his father, sitting alone at the campfire. Alone... with a whole case of beer! Psh! Psh! [pantomimes gulping beer out of a can] The selfish old bastard was wasted again. [Daria and Quinn glare with boredom at Jake]

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