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[first lines][Oak Grove Elementary]Mrs. Budnick: Dylan Beekler, you're up.Dylan Beekler: [clears throat] Ahem! Hello, underlings! For Show-and-Tell, behold my master, your rightful sovereign, Golan the Insatiable!Golan: [crashing through the door] Yah![class screams]Dylan Beekler: Golan will now answer any of your stupid questions!Blond boy: Oh oh! Do you have a job?Golan: I take over worlds!Dylan Beekler: [unimpressed] Next.Brunette girl: My mommy says Dylan's mommy wants to make a baby with you.Golan: [students hoot as, shyly] Well, I don't know all about that. Though why? What have you heard?Mrs. Budnick: Time is up. Take your seat, Beekler.Golan: Ah whoa, wait, hold on. First I got to get in a plug. I have finally finished my fearsome self-publish autobiography... [Golan hands his book to Dylan, which is almost as big as she is. She holds it aloft, proudly displaying its cover to the class] "Golan on Golan" by Golan. Here's a little preview. Dylan, read.Dylan Beekler: [a choir sings ominously as she intones] As you wish, Master![Dylan opens the book to its middle and begins]Dylan Beekler: "Cone- cow-ca-ca- cow. Cons - c-"Golan: Are you having a stroke? What the hell is the matter with you?Mackenzie B.: [pointing rudely] Dylan Beekler can't read![whole class laughs]Girl: She can't read!Golan: [incredulous] You can't read?[Everyone laughs: students; Golan, pointing at Dylan; even the teacher behind her hands. Dylan hides her face behind the book in shame]Golan: But in all seriousness, this isGolan: [flames erupt around Golan] completely unacceptable!

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