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Coach McGuirk: [drunk] You wanna know something? *Anyone* can become a soccer coach. Like, they don't regulate. Like you have to get a degree, right? So you're qualified.Nurse Kirkman: Yes... I do have a degree.Coach McGuirk: Yeah, I'm not. You can become coach, of a sport that you don't care about, you don't know how to play, you're not good with kids. But I have had the job for three years. You'd think that they would check up but they don't.

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