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Margaret: [Offering Hawkeye and Trapper a deal that would stop her from sending a scathing report about Henry Blake to General Mitchell] Today is Frank's birthday.Hawkeye: Yeah yeah...Margaret: I think a surprise party in the mess tent tonight, with a big cake and at least twenty people, and presents... might just stop my report.Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre: It's a deal!Hawkeye: It is not! I have just run out of hypocrisy! My dignity tank is getting dangerously low! You expect me to drag twenty screaming people to a party for Frank Burns and paint smiles on their faces? And presents? Half this camp spends its time sticking pins in little Frank Burns dolls! I will debase myself just so far for a pair of boots! Ha! Party for Frank Burns? [Hawkeye then storms out of Margaret's tent, followed by Trapper, and immediately steps into an ice cold mud puddle with the boot with the large hole in the sole] I think I'll start with a few hors d'oeuvres, followed by baked ham and hot biscuits. If they'll stay hot, that's the only problem.

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