Victor Meldrew: [Looking through paper] Your fortune in the stars. Virgo. You will come back today from your holidays. Receive an extremely unpleasant rectal examination from three men in peaked caps. Your luggage will go missing in the other side of the world. Your house will be completely consumed by a hideous fire ball. You will end up tonight freezing to death on a demolition site dressed as the Sisco Kid. Absolutely uncanny. He's hit the nail right on the head and no mistake. I will never call Russell Grant a vacuous lump of whale blubber ever again.
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