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Davina: I've had another letter from my boyfriend Vince. At least... I think it's Vince, because the stupid *f***er* appears to have changed his name, to "DJ Hip-Hop Cowboy Grandmaster Mix Man Iced Tea Cube M&S. Wanker! Apparently, he's bought a field, in the middle of absolutely nowhere... Not far from Cardiff... And a lorry-load of cut-price, slightly contaminated bottled water. He says he's going to start a "really wicked club" for hard-core music fans and it's going to be really "word"! Big respect! When he gets back, I'm going to remix his 12-inch once and for all! The drugs don't work, you know... They just make you f***ing *cranky*!

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    Quiz

    Are you a quotes master?

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    "Nowadays you can go anywhere in the world in a few hours, and nothing is fabulous any more."
    A Roald Dahl
    B Johnny Depp
    C J. K. Rowling
    D Tom Cruise