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Ted Schmidt: I mean, he fired me. Me - the hardest working most devoted employee he's got. And for what?Michael Novotny: Wanking to the web?Ted Schmidt: No, no, no, no, no. I wasn't wanking. I was watching - same as everybody else in that office. The only difference I wasn't watching what everybody else watches.Emmett Honeycutt: Straight sex.Ted Schmidt: Yeah, it's fine to salivate over some bimbo with boobs the size of flotation devices stuffing a zucchini up her twat. But god forbid you should see some guy with pecs of death squatting on a road teepee. Oh, then you're instantly out on your ass!Michael Novotny: That's discrimination on the workplace.

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