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Sherlock Holmes: [continuing with his best man's speech] If I burden myself with a little helpmate during my adventures, this is not out of sentiment or caprice. It is that he has many fine qualities of his own he has overlooked in his obsession with me. Indeed, any reputation I have for mental acuity and sharpness comes, in truth, from the extraordinary contrast John so selflessly provides. It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favor exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day...[Janine and the other bridesmaids look offended]Sherlock Holmes: there is a certain analogy there, I feel - and contrast is, after all, God's own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation. Or it would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy, designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot.[the minister looks offended. A mutter runs through the room]Sherlock Holmes: Point I'm trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant, and all-round obnoxious arsehole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. I am dismissive of the virtuous,[Looks at the Minister]Sherlock Holmes: unaware of the beautiful,[Looks at Janine]Sherlock Holmes: and uncomprehending in the face of the happy,[Looks towards John and Mary]Sherlock Holmes: so if I didn't understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anybody's best friend, and certainly not the best friend of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing.

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