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[Ralph reads to Alice a letter he had written his mother-in-law after he and Alice got married]Ralph Kramden: Dear Mom, I just thought I'd write and tell you this. A mother-in-law is the most criticized, the most misunderstood and the most defenseless of all women. The average woman must be clever enough to know when to speak, but a mother-in-law must know when to keep silent. She must be very wise; wise enough sometimes to withhold advice, although she knows the answer to the problem. A mother-in-law must sit on the fence between her own child and the child by marriage, and somehow she must keep a balance. She must lean backwards until her spine aches, or else she is accused of being partial, and she isn't permitted the luxury of hurt feelings or tears. If a person could put themselves in their mother-in-law's place, weigh her in the balance, and be completely fair, they'd nominate her for the Presidency of the United States, and she'd be the first woman to make it.

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