Hope Murdoch Steadman: [as Grendal barks in the snow] Grendal! C'mon! Leave that squirrel alone, would you please? Good boy! C'mon! You silly dog! Good boy. C'mon!Nancy Krieger Weston: Does he ever catch 'em?Hope Murdoch Steadman: No, of course not!Nancy Krieger Weston: Oh, life is hard for a dog.Hope Murdoch Steadman: Oh, yeah, right.Nancy Krieger Weston: Deb left this morning.Hope Murdoch Steadman: You're going to miss her.[they go through two bundles of letters to check for postage before dropping them in the box]Hope Murdoch Steadman: [looking at Nancy, uneasy] I'm sorry for not always knowing the right thing to say.Nancy Krieger Weston: No, that's all right. I don't know the right things to say either.Hope Murdoch Steadman: I mean. Just tell me if I say something stupid. It's just so scary.Nancy Krieger Weston: I know.Hope Murdoch Steadman: Are you scared?Nancy Krieger Weston: Are you kidding?Hope Murdoch Steadman: When I was about to have Janey. I don't know how to say this, but uhm... I felt like I was...Nancy Krieger Weston: [grinning broadly] Like you were in a permanent state of bliss?Hope Murdoch Steadman: Yeah, yeah. I was, but I, uhm... you know, besides all the happy stuff, underneath...Nancy Krieger Weston: [realizing] What?Nancy Krieger Weston: [when Hope doesn't answer right away] What?Hope Murdoch Steadman: [a bit lost in her thoughts] Uhm. I felt like I was going into this tunnel. And then the tunnel went way down, deep. And uhm, I couldn't turn back, I had to go through it and come out the other side, and it was about coming close to dying, and about having my body ripped apart, and blood and pain and, you know, because it's not about drugs, and doctors, and hospitals. It's about, uhm, blood, and pain, and uhm, brushing real close to dying. I'm not saying I know what you're going through, I'm just trying to understand. I mean, maybe - maybe your tunnel is different. I mean, maybe it... oh, maybe it's not even a tunnel. I'm sorry.Nancy Krieger Weston: [as Hope gives up and walks away] It is a different tunnel. And it's so deep that I keep screaming and yelling and no one seems to be able to hear me.Hope Murdoch Steadman: I'll try to hear.Nancy Krieger Weston: This is what it is. I mean, this is one thing. I get this feeling, right here, this panic? Ethan... I mean, Ethan is big. He's out in the world everyday, and I've done my work with him. You know, the real work. But Britty. I mean, she's still a baby somehow, she's still a part of me. Now if I die, I mean that would be horrible for Ethan, but he will survive. I mean, it'll be a burden, but he will survive. But Britty, if I die... well, I'll be abandoning her. She's not whole yet. She won't understand. She'll just think that I walked out on her.Hope Murdoch Steadman: [swallowing a sob] Oh, God.Nancy Krieger Weston: She won't remember me. Ethan will. But Britty will not remember me.

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