Charlie Harper: [wants custody of Jake if something happens to Judith and Alan] All right, Alan, let me ask you something: If I'm here, and Jake's in Rhode Island, who's gonna teach him all the things he needs to know?Alan: Jerry and Faye are both college professors.Charlie Harper: I'm talking about the important stuff; about life. Face it... when the time comes, are those two *eggheads* gonna step up and get your kid laid?Alan: You're not helping your case, Charlie.
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