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Alan Harper: You know *why* I was being audited? Not because I have unsubstantiated deductions, which I have. Not because I take the occasional cash payment from a client, and forget to report it, which I do. It was because *no* *one* at the IRS could *believe* I was paying as much *alimony* as I claimed. It took me three hours to convince them that, yes, I am that big a shmuck.

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