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Beth: Dad? I feel like I've spent my life pretending you're a great guy and trying to be like you. And the ugly truth has always been-- Rick: That I'm not that great a guy and you're exactly like me. Beth: Am I evil? Rick: Worse, you're smart. When you know nothing matters, the universe is yours. And I've never met a universe that was into it. The universe is basically an animal, it grazes on the ordinary. It creates infinite idiots, just to eat them, not unlike your friend Timmy. Beth: Tommy. Rick: Yeah, it hardly matters now, sweetie. You know, smart people get a chance to climb on top, take reality for a ride, but it'll never stop trying to throw you. And eventually, it will. There's no other way off. Beth: Dad, I'm out of excuses to not be who I am. So who am I? What do I do? Rick: My advice? Take off. Put a saddle on your universe. Let it kick itself out. Beth: I can't do that. The kids, Jerry, my job, and, as much as I hate to admit it, ABC's The Bachelor-- Rick: I can make a clone of you. A perfect instance of you, with all your memories. An exact copy in every way. It'll love and provide for the kids, do your job, and consume broadcast-network reality TV on the same allegedly ironic level as you. You could be gone a day, a week, or the rest of your life with zero consequences. The moment you decide to come back, I flip a switch, and the clone's job is done. It feels no pain, it regrets nothing, and has zero chance of going Blade Runner. Beth: If nothing matters, why would you do that for me? Rick: I don't know, maybe you matter so little that I like you. Or maybe it makes you matter. Maybe I love you. Maybe something about your mother. Don't jump a gift shark in the mouth. Beth: I don't know if I can do it. Rick: Then stay, and luxuriate in a life you can finally know you've chosen. My secret bonus is that no matter what you choose, you're finally gonna chill the fuck out.

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