Joffrey Baratheon: You're the Master of Whisperers. You're supposed to know everything.Varys: No man can be in all rooms at all times. I have many little birds in the North, My Lord, but I haven't heard their songs since Theon Greyojoy captured Winterfell.Joffrey Baratheon: The Stark forces are distracted. Now is the time to strike.Tyrion Lannister: To strike? My dear nephew, you do see these men preparing the walls for siege? You do understand Stannis Baratheon sails this way?Joffrey Baratheon: If my uncle Stannis lands on the shores of King's Landing, I'll ride out to greet him.Tyrion Lannister: A brave choice, Your Grace. I'm sure your men will line up behind you.Joffrey Baratheon: They say Stannis never smiles. [unsheathes his dagger] I'll give him a red smile, from ear to ear.(Joffrey walks away, Tyrion and Varys look at each other in amusement)Tyrion Lannister: Imagine Stannis's terror.Varys: (deadpan) I am trying. (they observe the fortifications)Tyrion Lannister: You're an intelligent man. I'd like to think I'm an intelligent man.Varys: Oh, no-one disputes that, my Lord... not even the multitudes who despise you.Tyrion Lannister: (deadpan) I wish we could converse as two honest, intelligent men.Varys: ( glances at him, equally deadpan) I wish we could, too. (pause, Tyrion stares at him)Tyrion Lannister: What do you want? (Varys looks him in the eye) Tell me.Varys: If we're going to play, you'll have to start. (Tyrion shrugs, they both walk over to the edge of the battlements)Tyrion Lannister: My brother was the youngest Kingsguard in history. My sister became Queen at the age of nineteen. When I reached manhood... my father put me in charge of all the drains and cisterns in Casterly Rock.Varys: A most high-born plumber.Tyrion Lannister: The water never flowed better, and all the shit found its way to the sea. I never expected to have any real power, so when my father named me acting Hand-Varys: You're quite good at being Hand, you know. Jon Arryn and Ned Stark were good men- honorable men- but they disdained the Game and those who played. You... enjoy the Game.Tyrion Lannister: I do. Last thing I expected.Varys: And you play it well.Tyrion: I'd like to keep playing it. (they both look out over Blackwater Bay) But if Stannis breaches the gates, the Game is over.Varys: They say he burns his enemies alive, to honor the Lord of Light.Tyrion Lannister: The Lord of Light wants his enemies burned. The Drowned God wants them drowned. Why are all the gods such vicious cunts? Where is the god of tits and wine?Varys: In the Summer Isles, they worship a fertility goddess with sixteen teats.Tyrion Lannister: We should sail there immediately. (Varys looks around, then leans close to Tyrion)Varys: This morning, I heard a song- all the way from Qarth, beyond the Red Waste. (Tyrion glances at him) Daenerys Targaryen lives.Tyrion Lannister: A girl at the edge of the world is the least of our problems.Varys: She has three dragons... but, even if what they say is true, it'll be years before they are fully grown... and then there will be nowhere to hide.Tyrion Lannister: One Game at a time, my friend.

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