[As the ending credits roll, Mike leafs through a copy of Leonard Maltin's Movie Guide.]Mike: OK, let's look in Maltin's book, uh he gave this two-and-a-half stars... ooh, My Favorite Year barely edges it out with three stars.Crow: Huh.Servo: Look here, Hannah and her Sisters is superior only by one star.Mike: Oh wow.Crow: [watching the film] Oh great, now a tire fire starts just off camera![Tom coughs. Mike turns a page.]Mike: OK. Umm, ah, look, hey-Leonard Maltin gave the same two-and-a-half stars to My Dinner With Andre.Crow: Uhh-Servo: [disgusted] Name of the Rose... this is a better film than Name of the Rose! It only got two stars!Crow: Being There, two stars.Mike: Uh, Lucas Tanner the movie was directed by Richard Donner... I just thought I'd point that out.Servo: Oh. Good.Mike: Lemme see here...Crow: [reading the credits] Y'mean, y'mean to tell me that Ron Masak and Eddie Deezen get billing over Roddy McDowall?Servo: Look Mike, Birdman of Alcatraz, three stars. Marginally better than Laserblast.Crow: [still reading the credits] They spelled Roddy McDowall's name wrong...Servo: [leaning in] What else you got?Mike: Oh, here we go, Full Metal Jacket, three stars.Crow: Hm?Servo: Shame, isn't it.Mike: Oh, hey, Seven Samurai, two stars.Crow: [incredulous] What?!Mike: I'm kidding.Crow: Oh.Servo: I hope so.Mike: According to this, A Fish Called Wanda was as good a film as Laserblast.Crow: [dismissive] D'oh...Servo: Broadcast News, Witness, three stars-barely superior to Laserblast.Mike: Mm-hm.Crow: Same for Diner.Mike: Yeah, hm. Oh, here we go-this was a better movie than Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.Crow: Well, that's possible...Servo: And the same caliber as Last Crusade-two-and-a-half stars.Mike: Oh. And, uh, and yet: Blame It On the Bellboy... four stars.Servo: [unbelieving] Where?Crow: [incredulous] What?Mike: No, I'm kidding.Servo: Oh, you... You... jeez...Mike: So, Kim Milford's greasy, pop-eyed performance was every bit as good as F. Murray Abraham's tortured performance as Salieri in Amadeus.Crow: According to Leonard Maltin, yes, Mike.Servo: Bagdad Café, brilliant subtle comedy-no better than Laserblast.Mike: Here's where it gets hard-Harry and the Hendersons is every bit as good as Laserblast.Crow: Carson McCullers' classic The Heart is a Lonely Hunter-no better than Laserblast.[Servo notices Mike is hiding something and tries to read it.]Mike: [reluctant] No, no-Servo: Uhp, John Schlesinger's Oscar-winning thriller Marathon Man-on par with Laserblast, two-and-a-half stars.Mike: Right, so Laurence Olivier's chilling performance as Szell, the White Angel, no better than the butt-faced sheriff in Laserblast.Crow: Again, according to Leonard Maltin, yes, Mike.Mike: OK, ah-Servo: Ah, look here, look here, Outlaw Josey Wales AND Unforgiven! Oscar-winner. Quintessential Westerns, Eastwood at his finest. However, I think you know where we're headed with this, Mike.Mike: Uh, yeah...Servo, Mike: Same as Laserblast-Servo: Two-and-a-half stars.Mike: Oh, here we go, here's a couple more. Sophie's Choice-Servo: Uh huh.Mike: Uh... here's one, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory-Servo: No!Mike: The Great Santini-Servo: Oh, I can't believe that!Mike: All two-and-a-half stars.Servo: Two-and-a-half stars.Mike: The same quality.Crow: Also known as "Ace", by the way.Mike: Yes, "Ace".Servo: [as they leave] Peers to Laserblast.

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