The Closer, Season 4

Pope:
Well, congratulations, lieutenant.

Provenza:
[facetiously] Yeah, I know, you're thrilled. I just dropped by to tell you that I am never going to retire. Ever.

Pope:
Why?

Provenza:
Look. I'm not going to tell you I'm Charlie Hustle. The only thing I chase these days are women who have had a few drinks.

Pope:
Okay.

Provenza:
But if you want to save a couple of bucks out of our division by trading my experience for a rookie?! I have a civil service job, and the only way that I am going to leave the Los Angeles Police Department is if I get shot, have a heart attack and then you run me over! After which, I will consider a disability position.

Pope:
But you really still haven't told me why.

Provenza:
When my first wife and I divorced, I agreed to split my pension with her from the day I retire. I'll be damned if she gets a nickel.

Pope:
That I understand.

Provenza:
Really?

Pope:
I made a distressingly similar agreement with my first wife. You do realize that I may eventually be forced to put you in some crappy desk job.

Provenza:
Then expect me to die with a stapler in my hand.