Corner Gas, Season 1

Emma:
You're going to the doctor Oscar, and that's the end of it.

Brent:
Yeah, that's the end of it. What are we talking about?

Emma:
Your father won't see a doctor.

Oscar:
He's just gonna poke and prod me because he can. I know it. They get you there so they can touch you all over the place.

Brent:
(sarcastically) Yeah, that's why most people go to med school: so they can feel up old men. (to Wanda) You know, legally.

Oscar:
Plumbers in lab coats.

Emma:
You love plumbers.

Oscar:
There's no upside to me going to the doctor. I'm an old man. So what are they gonna tell me? The best case scenario is they tell me I'm an old man.

Brent:
Dad.

Oscar:
He's just gonna make something up. Tell me I'm sick, then I'll get sick and drop dead.

Brent:
You're confusing doctors and hypnotists. Dad, look, you're going to be around for a long time.

Oscar:
How can you be so sure?

Brent:
Because I've angered the karma gods and you're my punishment.

Oscar:
A guy my age goes to the doctor and everyone's gonna assume he's gonna get one of those little blue pills. Everyone in town is gonna be saying how I can't get it...

Brent:
(disgusted) Dad!

Emma:
What's he talking about?

Brent:
Viagra.

Emma:
Oh for pete's sake! Well, if you're going there anyway, you might as well ask.

Brent:
Agh, Mom!