Criminal Minds, Season 1

Reid:
[to the waitress, after having difficulty with his chopsticks] Excuse me, could I get a fork perhaps? [group laughs] Did you know that experts credit Confucius with the advent of the chopstick? He equated knives with acts of aggression.

Morgan:
You don't know how to use them, do ya?

Reid:
It's like trying to forage for dinner with a pair of number two pencils. It's absolutely incredible. 1.3 billion people stay nourished because of these things.

JJ:
Come here! (takes his chopsticks off of him and ties them with a hairband)

Hotch:
The old "hairband trick"?

JJ:
The old "hairband trick"!