Deadwood, Season One

Al Swearengen:
Hey Doc, how long were you planning on taking before you told me what the f*** was wrong with Jewel?

Doc Cochran:
Nothing, nothing she wasn't born with.

Al Swearengen:
Mmm, I mean, she told me she was knocked up but I assumed that was her gimp sense of humor.

Doc Cochran:
She wants me to brace her leg so her dragging it doesn't drive you crazy.

Al Swearengen:
So what'd you tell her?

Doc Cochran:
Not to worry about your moods, that you generate those yourself and then you find your excuse for having 'em.

Al Swearengen:
Saucy words Doc, good thing you're handy with the snatch.

Doc Cochran:
I had an idea for a boot, just now measured her for it.

Al Swearengen:
If you treat her as successfully as you did the minister, she'll be kicking up her heels in no f***ing time.

Doc Cochran:
I will leave you now to pursue another excuse.