Joan of Arcadia, Season One

Joan:
Because my life is completely unraveling. I'm up to my eyeballs in the drama of the high school mating ritual, and now, thanks to you, I've been mistaken as the school chess champion. How did this happen to me?

God:
Which part?

Joan:
How did I beat that kid at chess?

God:
He was using logic. You weren't. It's impossible to guard against chaos. It's rare, but it happens. Black's move.

Joan:
I don't want to... I don't know how to play this game.

God:
And yet you play the game.

Joan:
Because I'm forced to.

God:
Forced to? Your friends make a suggestion, which you follow up on, and then you're surprised at the outcome? It's a causal universe. Move.

Joan:
Wait a minute, I'm being punished because I made a tiny little effort to fit in?

God:
It's not about punishment. It's that actions have consequences, and to be in denial of that is to be disengaged from the laws of the universe, which renders you powerless and vulnerable to an inordinate amount of pain. Other than that, it's no big deal... move.... (She touches one of the pieces and then changes her mind)No....

Joan:
No?

God:
It's a rule called "touch move." Once you touch a piece, you have to move that piece.

Joan:
I'm not allowed to change my mind? What kind of universe is that?

God:
Oh, you can change your mind, but you still have to play that piece. So you should think before you move.

Joan:
Wait a minute, this is a metaphor... Yeah, I looked up "metaphor" and that's definitely an example... Yep... took the bait. So now I'm in the game. How do I get out?

God:
There are many ways to get out; surrender is one, losing is another. Winning, cheating, which I don't recommend, but you have to do something. You have to have a strategy. See the number one rule in chess is this; whatever you do, don't play the other person's game. Play your own... Your move.