Joan of Arcadia, Season One

Luke:
There's this moose. And the moose is telling this other moose that the other moose is really an elk and as such should be running with another herd.

Kevin:
Uh huh?

Luke:
OK? But the moose is basing his whole assessment on what appears to be questionable evidence.

Kevin:
Like his horns are kinda small?

Luke:
Actually, it's more of a behavioral observation. Like, say the moose in question was seen sniffing a flower, which according to the first moose is elk-like. But the second moose isn't so sure. I mean, he doesn't feel like an elk, he doesn't have elk thoughts. Does it make him an elk just because he likes this one flower?

Kevin:
Did you want to try a science metaphor?

Luke:
...Does it mean I'm gay if I like a lesbian?

Kevin:
Who have you been talking to?

Luke:
I'd rather leave the moose out of it.

Kevin:
Well, first of all, No. Liking a girl is liking a girl. And who says she's a lesbian?

Luke:
That would be the moose again.

Kevin:
Right, you know, usually this kinda thing you just know.

Luke:
I know, but apparently there are all these indicators about me.

Kevin:
Here's your only indicator. You ready? When you're alone, just kinda passing the time, what do you think about?

Luke:
How to get past level five on Diablo. That kinda thing?

Kevin:
No, I mean, OK, when you're in the shower?

Luke:
OH! Right, well, sometimes I think about Condaleeza Rice. I mean, her influence is second only to Kissinger.

Kevin:
 :[Stares]

Luke:
Um, and then there's Sigourney Weaver in Alien, Christina Ricci, Batgirl.

Kevin:
Ok, stop. See, that's all you need to know.

Luke:
So, I'm definitely a moose?

Kevin:
Don't ever make me walk you through this again, OK?