Justified, Season 4

Tim:
[calling Colt realizing he's put IEDs in cars to ambush his team] Am I right in saying that you were in the sandbox before Afghanistan?

Colt:
I am a double winner. Is that why you called, to ask me that?

Tim:
Oh, why? You busy?

Colt:
I am in the middle of something.

Tim:
All right, I'll make it quick. I'm writing a book set in Iraq. There's a chapter where a convey of military police is transporting a criminal, and Lieutenant Dan, he's our main guy, he gets a bad feeling-

Colt:
Forrest Gump.

Tim:
Huh?

Colt:
There's a Lieutenant Dan in Forrest Gump.

Tim:
Oh shit, you're right. I'll change it. Lieutenant Colt.

Colt:
I would like a young Gérard Depardieu to play me in the movie. I'm honored.

Tim:
Well you should be, he's a big guy, a real badass, or he was, he's kind of losing his grip when we meet him, he's lost someone, he's started using dope that he confiscated.

Colt:
Yeah but then we find out he's kicked again, and anyone who thinks he's in anyway diminished is in for a big surprise.

Tim:
Yeah, but he's the kind of character might say he's kicked but we all know he's just one broken shoelace away from sayin' "screw it" and picking up again.

Colt:
How about you have him go into a bar and pick a fight with some rangers and he send a couple of them to the hospital?

Tim:
It's not a fantasy. Anyway, he gets a bad feeling when they pass an abandoned vehicle, sees a second and a third, so he's thinking IEDs triggered by cell. You ever come across anything like that?

Colt:
Me, personally? No. But I did hear about this one convoy, couple of Frankensteins and a gun truck on highway 10. So, the spotter, he calls a halt between the first two cars thinking the Hajis will blow the second if it moves forward, and the first if it tries to go back.

Tim:
Well, how'd they get out of it?

Colt:
Yeah, they didn't. Because they were too afraid to move, they just sat there in their vehicles, pssing and shitting in their helmets, too afraid to toss it out the windows on account of possible snipers. Then they ran out of food. They started eating each other till there was only one left, and he blew his brains out. Do you want to know the sad part?

Tim:
Oh, there's a sad part?

Colt:
Yeah. Because they were so afraid to move, they never found out whether or not the cars had explosives. So basically, they all died from being pussies.