Louie, Season 1

[Pamela and Louie are drinking wine while their kids play in the other room]

Pamela:
Okay: what's the worst thought you ever had about your kids?

Louie:
... I don't know - you go first.

Pamela:
All right, um... I would never hit Ser. Never. But, um, sometimes... I think about hitting him. Like I picture it. Like a fantasy?

Louie:
... Come on, that's not so bad.

Pamela:
Well, I mean, I don't think about it when he's being bad, or, I'm having a hard time with him, or, anything like that, I just, uh... (clears throat) I think about it... when I'm bored. Or, when I'm bored of being a mom? Or when he's just boring. I just think about hitting him, right in his stupid little face.

Louie:
(laughing) Oh my god! That's awful!

Pamela:
I know...

Louie:
Oh my god!

Pamela:
I know?

Louie:
(laughs) Jesus!

Pamela:
All right, so- what's yours?

Louie:
Oh, uh... I don't know, I'm drawing a blank.

Pamela:
C'mon.

Louie:
I can't think of anything.

Pamela:
That's not fair! You're a piece of shit. You're gonna make me burn in hell alone?

Louie:
Nonononono, okay, uh... (deep in thought) bad...

Pamela:
What? Hurry!

Louie:
Okay, okay, okay, all right. You know what? ... I was thinking that... on Jane's... eighteenth birthday, right? That's the day I stop being a dad. Of children. Officially.

Pamela:
Mm-hmm...

Louie:
Like the day I just, I just, become a guy. Not "daddy". I just become, just some dude. ... I think on that day... I might kill myself.

(beat)

Pamela:
(snorts, laughs) Oh my god! Please, do it now! Oh my god, you're the biggest bummer I ever met! I hate you! (lies back) Oh, I'm having so much fun. (falls asleep)