Man To Man With Dean Learner

Dean Learner:
"It's like that philosophical question: If a tree falls in the forest, and I'm not there, and it makes a sound, but I don't hear it, but someone records it and plays it back to me at a dinner party, does that mean I'm still in the forest? And if I am, then why can't I just take a piss in the garden rather than queuing for the toilet? And that's if the toilet even exists, I've been trying to use it all f***ing night. I'm starting to doubt the existence of the toilet quite frankly at this stage of the proceedings. Get a portaloo is what I'm saying. If you're going to have a party of that size, get a portaloo. 'Cause I don't want to spend my entire f***ing evening in the corridor. And if philosophy can solve those questions, then it's worth it. But thus far it can't. So I'm f***ing busting, and what's Plato doing about it? Nothing."