Married... with Children, Season 5

Al:
Son, you are looking at the proud owner of Section 32 of Lake Chicamacomico! I just used my $1,000 for the final payment.

Bud:
Where is Kelly?

Al:
She took off to Wisconsin with some of the bikers from the wedding. No worries, I am sure she can find her way home.

Bud:
How about Mom?

Al:
A one-way ticket to Hawaii cost about $1,000. She took her accordion, so she can busk on the streets of Kaneohe until she earns enough to come back home. Shows Bud a picture from pamphlet These redwoods are over a millenium old. I am going to cut down one of these babies so the stump can be a base for my satellite dish! Jefferson enters Bundy residence

Jefferson:
Well Al, you sure have gotten my marriage off to a great start. Considering my past, I cannot be too mad at you for scamming Marcy, but I am more annoyed you betrayed my confidence. Oh well, we have goodwill between us, and I am looking forward to domestic suburban life with the little woman.

Marcy{roaring from D'Arcy residence}:
JEFFERSON, GET YOUR WORTHLESS BUTT IN HERE, NOW!!

Jefferson:
Got to go.

Bud:
Mr. D'Arcy, forgive me for asking, but what were you in prison for?

Jefferson:
No problem, I did not do anything violent. It was just I participated with some other con men in a real estate scam to sell plots of land around a toxic waste dump called Lake Chicamacomico. That place is so polluted it will not be safe for habitation until A.D. 5,000,000. That hit the news four years ago. Some of the truly stupid are still sending in payments!

Jefferson departs Bundy residence. Al is dumbstruck that he did not do better research

Al:
I bought land near a polluted area? Still, this beats being stuck in Hawaii with your mother, right Bud?

Bud is unsure of remark

Al:
I will manage, besides what is five million years in one man's life anyway?

Al fantasizes about spending time with Bud. Both are at Al's resort, to the whistling tune of The Andy Griffin Show

Sign:
LAKE CHICAMACOMICO. If you can read this, you should be dead by now!

Al and Bud approach a bubbling polluted lake full of steaming industrial waste. Bud has become bald. Al pats Bud on the back, then his arm falls off, and both laugh. As Al and Bud approach lake, both have grown rodent-like tails