M*A*S*H, Season 8

Margaret (walks into Potter's office along with Mulcahy and Hawkeye):
You wanted to see us sir?

Potter:
Not really but it's the only way I can talk to you.

Hawkeye:
What's this about Colonel?

Potter:
Glad you asked. I'm a very busy man so I'll make this short and sweet. Lieutenant Harris dropped by this morning, had a little surprise for me. A request for an immediate transfer.

Mulcahy (Knowing he is the cause):
Oh dear.

Potter:
Naturally I thought she wanted out because she couldn't take a bath but that wasn't the reason. So I said "What is the reason?" And she said "I made a big fool of myself and the whole camp knows it." So I said "Well I don't know it." And she said "I'm surprised Pierce didn't tell you."

Hawkeye (Confused):
What?

Potter:
So I said "Why are you dropping this in my lap when you should be talking to your head nurse?" And she said "The head nurse hates me."

Margaret:
I do not hate her.

Potter:
So I said "Back up a bit. What is it you did that got everybody's tongue wagging except mine?" And she said "I had an unhappy love affair." So I asked "Was it one of my doctors?" And she said "No. It was your priest."

Mulcahy (After hearing the story):
Colonel, you must understand she's very upset.

Potter:
That's what she said. She was so upset she's giving up on Med School. I didn't even know she was going to Med School.

Mulcahy:
She mustn't give up.

Potter:
Now look folks this is none of my affair so why don't we keep it that way. The woman's got only a few weeks left in this man's army. A transfer would be a waste of good red tape so here's what your gonna do. (Points to Hawkeye) You stop talking about her. (Points to Margaret) You stop hating her. (Points to Mulcahy) And you stop dating her.