M*A*S*H, Season 9

(Hawkeye and BJ in the Mess Tent)

Hawkeye:
Well Beej what do you think this is? (Shows him letters)

BJ:
You've been drafted.

Hawkeye:
They're greetings all right from three nurses with no ounce of self respect. One of whom is in striking distance of sharing a delicious Bordeaux.

BJ:
And a tasteless Pierce.

Hawkeye:
Get your water ready. This might set the tent on fire. (reads first letter) "Dear Hawkeye, I think your contest is a wonderful idea. I really love good wine and I think it would be fun to share a few belts with you. Signed, Chastity."

BJ:
That one came with its own cold water.

Hawkeye:
Send that one to the dead letter office. (reads second letter) "Dear Hawkeye, Bordeaux is one of my favorite wines, along with Maneschevitz. (BJ laughs at remark) During a happier time my husband and I used to share many a bottle back in the states. Drinking this with you would bring back fond memories. Signed, Very Married."

BJ:
All you get there is a swig and a missus.

Hawkeye:
What is this world coming to? Everywhere I look morality.

BJ:
Read on rebuffed.

Hawkeye:
My heart is not in this anymore. (reads third letter) "Dear Hawkeye, I find you an incredibly exciting and vibrant man." I just had a rush of blood to my ego. "Your contest sounds like the perfect appetizer to a wonderfully intimate main course. I must admit wine does make me a little crazy but I'm sure it's nothing you cant handle." Oh this is a sick woman. "I hope you pick me Hawkeye. I have always thought you were all man. Every time you look in my eyes I turn to jelly. Signed, Sweet Preserves."

BJ:
To think that that nurse is responsible for human lives.

Hawkeye:
Home run. Turned her to jelly. What do you think is the look that jars her. Do you think its my :Rudolph Valentino:? Maybe it's the boy next door.