Modern Family, Season 1

Claire:
What did I tell you would happen if you got him a gun? Deal with this.

Phil:
Buddy, uncool.

Claire:
That's it? No. The agreement was that if he shoots someone, you shoot him.

Phil:
We were serious about that?

Claire:
Yes, we were, and now you have to follow through.

Luke:
I'm so sorry!

Claire:
Liar. Go.

Phil:
He's got a birthday party.

Alex:
What's more important here, Dad?

Claire:
You can shoot him afterwards. He'll be home at 2:00.

Phil:
I can't shoot him at 2:00. I'm showing a house at 2:00.

Alex:
What about 3:00?

Claire:
No, he's got a soccer game at 3:00, and then-- Oh, we got to leave for that dinner thing at 5:00. 4:15. We could shoot him at 4:15.

Phil:
Yeah, I guess that works for me. [Claire writes "Shoot Luke" on schedule. Luke groans.] Sorry, dude. It's on the calendar.

Luke:
Oh, come on!