Monk, Season 1

Monk:
Walk me through it.

Capt. Stottlemeyer:
It's pretty routine till we get to the punch line. Modine and his date are walking to their car over here. The, uh, perp is over here. Now, the perp pops out with a knife. Modine pulls out his piece, .38 caliber... [off Monk's look] I already called, he's licensed. Bang, bang, bang. Three in the chest.

Monk:
So, I just have one question: What am I doing here?

Capt. Stottlemeyer:
Here comes the punch line: Our perp is Sidney Teal.

Sharona:
The computer guy?

Monk:
Get out of town!

Capt. Stottlemeyer:
Take a look. [lifts up the canvas covering the late Sidney Teal] That's what $5 billion looks like.

Monk:
Get-out-of-town! What in God's name was he doing? [Stottlemeyer puts Teal's false mustache in an evidence bag]

Capt. Stottlemeyer:
I think maybe, that this is how he got his kicks. I mean, that kind of money can make a person crazy.

Monk:
Yeah. I wouldn't know.

Capt. Stottlemeyer:
Yeah, right. Anyway, that's my theory. If you've got a better one, I'd really like to hear it.

Monk:
Well-

Sharona:
No. No. Captain, we can't start working until we talk about our fee!

Monk:
Sharona, could you give me a second here? [Sharona walks away] You know, this is insane.

Capt. Stottlemeyer:
Yeah, it's crazy. It gets crazier. Check this out. [He uncovers Teal's leg] This guy's wearin' knee pads.

Monk:
Knee pads?

Capt. Stottlemeyer:
Yeah, and he's got elbow pads.

Monk:
Was he planning on going rollerblading after?